A relationship expert has pointed out one small but harmful habit that could potentially ruin even the strongest relationships.
When we think about breakups, we often associate them with major issues like infidelity.
However, sometimes relationships end gradually as both individuals come to realize they aren’t as compatible as they thought.
This particular habit, though, can silently create distance between you and your partner. If left unchecked, it might lead to the end of your relationship.
And it’s something either partner could be doing without even realizing: failing to respond to your partner’s “bids” for attention.
The Gottman Institute defines a “bid” as a “request to connect,” which is considered the “fundamental unit of emotional communication.”
Bid busting’ happens more than we realize in our relationships (Imaginestock/Getty Images)
A bid can be anything – a comment about their day, a shared meme, a casual touch, or even a sigh.
However, how you respond – or fail to respond – is more significant than you may realize.
Why? Because ‘ignored’ bids can make your partner feel unseen, rejected, and ultimately emotionally distant.
It may lead to them stopping the effort – or further ‘bids’ – and before long, you’re more like roommates than intimate partners.
This dynamic often marks the start of the end for relationships.
So, how do people unknowingly become what experts refer to as ‘bid busters’ – when these bids are repeatedly ignored?
Ignoring ‘bids’ can be relationship-breaking, dating experts have warned (Catherine Falls Commercial/Getty Images)
Alarmingly, it’s more common than you might think – and it’s largely due to our modern lifestyle.
Phones, work, Netflix marathons, or simply not being in the best frame of mind can all play a part in unintentionally shutting down our partner’s efforts to connect.
When bids for attention are ignored too frequently, it sends a clear message: “I’m not interested in you.”
Even though that’s probably not the intent – let’s face it, we all get distracted at times and, in long-term relationships, may occasionally take our partners for granted.
Luckily, there’s a straightforward solution for fixing these ignored bids.
The Gottman Institute identifies three possible responses to a bid: ‘turning towards’ (acknowledging the bid), ‘turning away’ (ignoring or missing the bid), or ‘turning against’ (rejecting the bid in a negative way) – and how we respond plays a major role in the outcome.
Paying active attention to your partner helps reduce ‘bid busting’ (Georgeclerk/Getty Images)
Clearly, the first step is essential—genuinely pay attention to your partner.
“The habit of turning toward your partner is the foundation of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a fulfilling sex life,” the institute explains.
This makes sense—relationships thrive on mutual engagement, and when you turn toward one another instead of distancing yourself, the bond deepens.
So, the next time your partner goes on about their latest obsession, set down your phone, make eye contact, and truly listen. It could make all the difference in preserving your relationship!
The Gottman Institute concluded, “Some people believe they can put their relationship on hold and revive it with occasional romantic date nights.
“But relationships are nurtured and sustained through daily attention, not just grand gestures.
“Attention, intention, interest, and curiosity are the antidotes to bid busters.
“Making this a regular practice will transform your relationships.”
