You’re NTA. You’re 17, nearly an adult, and it’s perfectly reasonable to question why your dad’s girlfriend — who doesn’t live with you, hasn’t parented you, and isn’t married to your dad — keeps being given a say in decisions about your life. Your dad may see Ruth as his “partner,” but that doesn’t automatically make her a co-parent or authority figure. You didn’t insult Ruth personally; calling her “some random woman” was blunt, but it was an honest reflection of how little she’s involved in your daily life. It’s unfair for your dad to delegate parental authority to someone who hasn’t earned that trust or role.
Your analogy about giving a future boyfriend control over your dad’s care was sharp, but it got your point across: authority over someone’s personal life shouldn’t be handed to a near-stranger just because of a romantic relationship. Your dad’s anger seems more about his ego and defending Ruth than about your actual reasoning. Could you have phrased things more gently? Sure. But your feelings and boundaries are completely valid — you’re not wrong for standing up for yourself.
AITA for calling my dad’s girlfriend some random woman when we were arguing over him giving her a say in my life when they don’t even live together?
